Subject: Spanking
Date: Sat, 27 Nov 1999 18:59:11 -1000
From: "Rev. Samuel M. Smith" <upwaypubs@earthlink.net>
Organization: Up Way Publications
To: family@lifeminders.com

Some people do abuse children in the name of "spanking", but  real
spanking is never abusive. The "quick swat on the bottom," however may
not be the best either, as  the child must be carefully made to
understand why he or she is being swatted or it is, again, abuse.

I firmly believe the Bible was right, "Spare the rod and spoil the
child." But it was also right when it said, "Fathers, provoke not your
children to wrath."

As father or defacto father to 8, ranging in age from 42 to 1-1/2
(actually 19 months)  and grandfather to 10, I have a little basis from
which to speak with authority and also, as one who has devoted much of
my lifetime to studying successful families and those that were
miserable with the determination to discover facts and reject
traditional ideas that would not stand up to tests of solid evidence, I
have additional authority.

My recommendation to any loving parent is to instruct the child as to
what is right and what is wrong (this will also reduce crimes like
Columbine and the need for jails and police) and then enforce that
instruction with a warning for the first disobedience, a mild punishment
for the next violation of the rule, preceded by the parent lovingly
placing the child on his or her knee and having the child explain why he
or she must be punished and followed by a time of lovingly reminding the
child that you do not like to have to inflict pain on a little one you
love so much, but he or she simply MUST act right. A stronger punishment
should be promised and followed through for the next  time that offense
is committed with the before and after loving scenario and so on until
the conduct is corrected.

There are two advantages to this type of discipline, because while the
parent is lovingly having the child explain why they must receive
corrective punishment, any anger the parent feels is having a "time-out"
as well as the child knowing "why". And the loving treatment after the
punishment should show the child that the parent is not rejecting him or
her because of the misconduct. This latter is often a problem when the
parent  sends the child to his or her room as though angry, or sends
them to bed without food, etc.

The result of overindulgent parents is the sad, but true, case of a
young Marine I once knew whose parents gave in to his wishes and never
permitted him to receive punishment for any wrongdoing of any kind for
any reason from anyone. Of course, he ran into conflict with the strict
discipline of the Marine Corps and then when he also tried ripping off
taxicab drivers and shoplifting from stores, he soon was in serious
trouble. To make it short, he first spent a specified period of time
locked up in the "brig", then received an Undesirable Discharge and when
he went home, his loving, doting father soon was forced to send him to a
state mental hospital. A communication from the father to the Marine
prosecutor said, "You know, that preacher (me) was right. I was wrong. I
never allowed my son to suffer any consequences for his misdeeds, and
now he is really suffering from it."

This message will soon be included in a Message of the Month on
http://home.earthlink.net/~upwaypubs/messageofmonth.html  and
http://onegod.org/upwaypubs/messageofmonthog.html

Sorry, When I first sent this, there were errors in my website
addresses. This is now correct.

Yours for a Better America and happier children.

Rev. Sam